Today I Realised....

Today I realised I am afraid!
Afraid that life will pass me by and I will not have achieved my dreams or goals! Sure I have achieved a lot in the years that I've been old enough to make a difference! But those were never my dreams or goals!

Today I realised I am scared!
Scared I will never be the best that I can possibly be! Scared that one day I will wake up and say 'What have I done with my life!?'

Today I realised I am not Miss Perfect!
I am not she because she is a figment of my imagination! A woman who's perfection is unsurpassable!

Today I realised I lack faith!
My faith in God has never been questionable, but I find my self questioning his ability to answer the questions I lay before him! My faith is others dies with every lie or untruth that is told to me!

Today I realised I have cried enough!
My eyes hurt; I’m tired of the tears!

Today I realised my life is real!
Real because the over whelming pain and joy that I feel is not one a fictitious character could ever feel!

Today I realised I lack trust!
I do not trust you; don't ask me why, I just don't! You lie; don't say you don't because that in itself is a lie, and a justification for my lack of trust in you!

Today I realised I am me!
Me because there is no other person who feels the things I feel, no other person who thinks the thoughts I do! No other person whose imperfections shape them the way mine shape me! No other person can love the way I can, no other person can forgive the way I do! No other person can be me, the way I'm me!

Originally written on 11th August 2006